Book Summary – Confessions of A Terrible Husband
Confessions of a Terrible Husband
By Nick Pavlidis
Having spoken to multiple men that have read Nick Pavlidis’ book, we are all convinced that he owes us royalties for telling OUR stories! Fortunately, we can all forgive him as he has done a wonderful job of sharing his story AND sharing his lessons learned. Through sharing his experiences, we are all provided with a great rubric to apply to our relationships with our spouses. The book is witty, irreverent and a fun and easy read. Pavlidis – and others – make the case that even if you don’t read it you might impress your spouse just by having a copy around! He is kidding, but this is a great example of how he takes a serious topic and interjects it with humor.
Pavlidis’ subtitled the book “Lessons Learned From a Lumpy” couch in honor of the common sleeping locale of husbands the world over that have gotten their priorities out of line. The message that he delivers is simple and important:
- You need to take responsibility for those things you can control and let go of what you cannot control
Rather than simply giving you a “recipe for success”, Pavlidis tells his story. The story of how he was a less than ideal spouse. He is to be commended for both his candor and courage. My definition of courage is putting yourself at risk for others and he fits this definition to perfection.
He walks the reader through the life he was living. It is not a pretty picture. He was focused on himself and not his wife. While he does a good job of telling his story through vignettes that make you laugh, he deserves kudos for the vulnerability he displays. Unfortunately, as I foreshadowed at the start of this summary, the stories are all too familiar for many readers. The behaviors that Pavlidis highlights are common and wide spread. They are also very hurtful and need to be modified.
Pavlidis outlined the following behaviors for focus and modification:
- Keeping Your Priorities Straight – He suggests that too often we let work dominate our lives at the expense of the relationship with our spouses
- Keeping Score – He suggests that too often we operate under a “tit-for-tat” mentality and expect that every time we do something we are predisposed to believe we should receive something in return.
- Laziness – He suggests that we don’t carry our load around the house.
- Lacking Intention – He suggests that unlike our careers, at home we don’t focus on an intentional set of goals for our family (outside of financial issues)
- Being Unreliable and Unwilling to Commit – He suggests that we are not willing to either provide the time for our follow through on the time we committed to our spouse
- Wasting Time – He suggests we spend time on activities that would be better spent with our spouse
- Putting Kids Before Your Spouse – Self explanatory
- Not Listening – He suggests that we have selective hearing when it comes to our spouses requests (note – I still think I deserve a portion of his royalties based on this section alone!)
- Using the Wrong Tone – He suggests that sometimes the way we say things is harmful or hurtful
If you want to change your relationship with your spouse, the areas of focus highlighted above/that Pavlidis identifies, are a great place to start. Any one that takes the time to reflect on the above areas, becomes aware of your behaviors in these areas, and commits to improving in each of these areas, is likely to be rewarded with a vastly improved relationship with their spouse.
The author also took some time to interview multiple couples that have relationships that have lasted over the course of time. The key finding he highlights is:
- “Marriage takes love, hard work, patience, attention and loyalty. Not easy, bus simple. And as the old saying goes, nothing good is easy”
He closes by saying “It’s tough, but it’s worth it”. I totally agree and strongly recommend that you pick up a copy of the book and take the time to read it yourself.
If you would like to download a PDF copy of this book summary you can do so by clicking here
At F5 Financial Planning we focus on helping individuals and families find balance between faith, friends and family, fitness and finance. We make sure that they have the financial freedom to enjoy those things in life that are important to them. And while we believe the left-brain facts and data are critical; we work with our clients to get them in the right state of mind to focus on the goals they want to achieve. Some other posts that you might like: