Ask, Don’t Tell — The Leadership Shift That Changes Everything

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” might be the phrase we’ve heard a hundred times before, but the one that truly deserves our attention is its opposite:

Ask, Don’t Tell.

Pause for a moment and let that sink in.

Back? Good.

Now think about what happened in your mind during that moment of reflection.
What came up when you were asked to pause instead of being told?

And how did you feel when I said,
“Read that again.”
Or
“Take a couple of moments to think about that.”

There’s a subtle emotional shift between being told what to do and being asked.
One triggers resistance. The other creates connection.

Being told might get people to comply.
Being asked invites people to commit.

And that brings us to one of the most overlooked truths in leadership:

Rule #27: Micromanaging is a Silent Leadership Killer.

The crazy part?
Most leaders know this.
Yet somehow, once they step into the “big” role, they forget.

Suddenly, the new title feels like a license to direct every move, approve every detail, and correct every tiny misstep.
Authority becomes more important than curiosity.
Control becomes more important than trust.

But here’s the reality:

Positions are assigned.
Respect is earned.

And nothing drains respect faster than constant telling.
Nothing builds respect faster than thoughtful asking.

Instead of an example, I want you to lead the story.

Think back to a moment when leadership failed.
Maybe it was a manager, a team lead, a coach — anyone who had influence but misused it.

What do you remember most?

Did they listen?
Or did they dictate?

How might things have shifted if they had slowed down, asked more questions, and listened to the answers?

Your own memory is more powerful than any story I could write — because you lived it.
And by reflecting on it now, through the lens of “Ask, Don’t Tell,” the lesson becomes yours, not just mine to narrate.

So here’s your leadership challenge for the week:

ACTION ITEM 27

For the next seven days, approach every situation with one rule:
You’re not allowed to tell. Only ask.

Ask at least three questions to fully understand what’s happening.
Then ask the most transformative question of all:

“What do you think we should do?”

Watch what happens — in conversations, in problem-solving, in relationships.

Bonus Challenge

Revisit the idea of Completed Staff Work (Step 23).
Ask yourself:

“How can I combine the power of Ask, Don’t Tell with the discipline of Completed Staff Work?”

You may be surprised by how many leadership lightbulbs flick on.